by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
Published
January 5, 2012
Pages
304 pages
Language
English
Publisher
TarcherPerigee
Kindle
$12.99
Hardcover
$19.81
Paperback
$12.24
Audiobook
$0.00
Audio CD
Not found
“Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.” — The New York Times We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr.
Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.
• Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
Relationships can be intricate labyrinths, where understanding and harmony often seem elusive. In Attached, readers are invited to explore the profound and transformative world of adult attachment theory. This groundbreaking book elucidates the patterns and dynamics that underpin our romantic interactions.
Through this lens, individuals are empowered to cultivate deeper connections and foster sustainable love.
Understanding your attachment style can significantly enhance relationship satisfaction and stability. Secure attachment in relationships leads to healthier and more fulfilling connections. Applying attachment theory can help overcome common relationship pitfalls and build lasting bonds.
At the heart of Attached lies a revolutionary exploration of how adult attachment styles shape our relationships. The book demystifies the science of attachment offering readers insights into their unique relational patterns. By understanding these patterns individuals can embark on a journey toward self-discovery and improved relationships.
Whether you're anxiously attached avoidant or secure the authors provide relatable examples and pragmatic strategies to nurture healthier interactions. These insights pave the way for unlocking more fulfilling partnerships catering to a wide audience striving for love that lasts. Attached delves deep into various attachment styles breaking down complex psychological concepts into easily digestible ideas.
Through engaging narratives the authors demonstrate how early life experiences can shape adult relationships offering readers the tools to change detrimental patterns. Ultimately Attached empowers individuals to make informed choices in love and foster meaningful connections. The practical advice and scientific approaches present a roadmap for transforming love lives helping readers nurture connection and intimacy in today's complex dating world.
Attached distinguishes itself by seamlessly integrating psychological science with actionable advice aiding readers in understanding and enhancing their romantic lives This book offers a refreshing perspective grounded in attachment theory that encourages readers to change negative patterns and foster healthy connections Through captivating narratives and relatable scenarios Attached enlightens readers on the profound impact of attachment styles in achieving lasting fulfilling relationships.
1585429139
978-1585429134
5.96 x 0.79 x 9 inches
2.31 pounds
Based on 20826 ratings
I have been reading this book since 2011 and I can’t tell you how useful it has continued to be over the years. Any time I have had serious conflicts in relationships, I have always used this book as a reference and it has never steered me in the wrong direction. I cannot even tel you how many people I have made purchase this book and have thanked me for it. An absolute amazing and enlightening book that everyone could learn something from!
This book honestly changed my life. I am a self help guru, I've read everything out there but the hype for this is worth it! Since reading Attached, I have turned my life around not just romantically, but even the way I view my work situations and how I handle family members has dramatically shifted. I even just got engaged which never would have been possible if I hadn't of learned about attachment styles. Seriously, you owe it to yourself and everyone who will ever have contact with you, to read this book.
Helpful, and easy to read
I loved this book as it shed light on the attachment styles I never had known or thought of before. The exercises are helping me navigate relationships whether platonic or romantic. I wish it featured a few more LGBTQ examples; there is one. But the styles still apply to all people. This was a good read.
This was an insightful book with exercises that tie into chapters. Very good read.
My psychiatrist pretty much made me order this book even though in my mind I was dead set against, thinking it was going to be a waste of time, perfectly convinced I knew everything about myself and whatever kind of "attached" I was. Whoa. Was I wrong. And I hate to be wrong. Thanks, Dr. D. General Information: This book is an easy read. It's not that stuff you need to be a rocket-scientist to figure out - in layman terms it briefs you on the broader different styles of attachment: secure, anxious and avoidant. The book helps you determine what kind of attachment styles you have via reading examples of others attachment styles and there are also some quizzes if you're still not sure, all of which I found useful. I really liked that the authors presented examples of scenarios of attachment styles and encouraged the reader to read through the scenarios and guess the kind of attachment styles that were presented based on the knowledge we had already been given in the earlier part of the book. I find that a helpful way to learn. Given that I was not into reading this in the first place - the fact that it was light reading, interesting and at times fun - made me very attuned to what this book had to say. I agree it wasn't super in-depth but I don't fault this book for that because if it was super in depth I would have not even read it. My psychiatrist knows what the heck she is talking about and she choose this book for a reason - so I have zero complaints. I think she was even impressed with how much I was able to take away after reading it in one day. Personal Information: This book taught me a lot about myself. With women, I have anxious attachments - stemming from an unpredictable childhood. I pretty much tend to gravitate toward any one who acts maternal with me and cling to her. This isn't necessarily about romantic attachment for me, it spelled out a lot of patterns with all the people I have in my life: from friends, family members, partners and even my doctors. I had started to notice that I was feeling unsettled in my relationship with my fiance. I was getting annoyed at everything he did. Little things, like the way he chewed. I would get annoyed when he would text me and completely ignore him for hours at a time. Until I read this book, I didn't realize the problem was me and that with men I have a very avoidant attachment style. I was able to take the criticism to heart without feeling persecuted because the book doesn't make you feel that way even though avoidants can come off as very very harsh and cruel and indifferent. I'm now able to communicate more effectively, recognize my own patterns of behavior, identify that I am responsible for my own actions and feelings and now I feel a real sense of control and independence because I have that knowledge. I have that security. I can reciprocate with my fiance now and not be so dismissive of him and I'm able to be a bit more open without feeling that he's trying to stop me from being my own person or that he's suffocating me. I highly recommend this book. If you want to delve super deep into this attachment thing - some other reviewers mentioned additions and alternatives but I wouldn't. I am a very learned person, a very intelligent person and I didn't need anything more in depth than this book to help me to start to recognize patterns that needed to change. I think this book is best served to people who can admit where they are on the attachment continuum. I happen to be at a place in my life now, thanks to my psychiatrist and therapist, where I am able to let my guard down a bit and accept things that are difficult for me to accept.. Maybe even just six months ago I wouldn't have been ready to admit this. But given my ability to be ready and my desire to make things right in my life now that I have a child - I didn't need a guide book to tell me how to figure out the things I needed to do to fix the areas that needed work in my life regarding my attachment styles. I disagree with the reviews that claim this book doesn't offer us any insight as to why we are the way we are and what we can do about it. Several times this book mentions the theories of infant and other kinds of attachments but does say that it's not the purpose of this book to delve into that. That's good enough for me. I was able to discern from the minimal but powerful examples they give of the attachment styles of infants to their caregivers to know why I am the way I am and I wrote a whole essay about it to share with my psychiatrist.... thanks to this book. As for what we can do about it - this was also something I didn't need a road map for. This is going to sound pretty darn simplistic but maybe that's just because it is. Kind of just do the opposite of what you're doing....???? That is how this has been working for me, anyway. But of course, I relied on the examples in the book to help direct my behavior without needing a "HOW TO" direction stamped across the page. You rely on your intuition. You rely on your knowledge. You rely on your empathy and most of all you rely on your willingness to enact change. The examples in this book were definitely not apples to apples with how I am with my fiance - but it was enough of an eye-opening experience for me to say to myself: "Oh geez..... I do things like this all the time and this is how my fiance must feel. He's just reacting to my avoidance. If I start to try to be less avoidant and give him a little bit more security by acknowledging him maybe he won't feel so frustrated or taken advantage of or hurt." And that's what I started to do. I started to recognize the behaviors I have that are avoidant and started to replace them with more healthy behaviors. At first this wasn't easy. I felt like I was losing a part of myself by giving in to him but then I realized that's silly and I went back to the book for guidance and reassurance and that's when I decided to feel more secure and in control. I'm far more independent by making the right, healthy choices for our relationship than I am being a slave to my fear of dependency. I really feel empowered by this and I thank the authors for putting this out there in a way that isn't complicated but that is so very helpful.
I’ll admit it. I am totally attached to _Attached_. But, not in an unhealthy way, really. I’ve read my fair share of books on relationships (including textbooks during my clinical training as a therapist), and I can honestly say that this book provides the most elegant framework for organizing, explaining, and rescuing relationship problems that I’ve seen. It clearly delivers on the hope that the authors have for this book: “We hope that you will use the relationship wisdom distilled in this book, from more than two decades of research, to find happiness in your romantic connections and to soar in all aspects of your life. If you follow the attachment principles we have outlined, you will be actively giving yourself the best shot at finding—and keeping—a deeply gratifying love, instead of leaving one of the most important aspects of your life to chance!” (pp. 272-273) Based on the science of attachment, the book looks at the three basic types of attachment: avoidant, anxious, and secure. In a nutshell: if you’re avoidant, relationships feel like a threat to your independence; if you’re anxious, relationships feel like a lifeline that is going to be yanked away from you at any moment; if you’re secure, relationships provide you with peace of mind. Early on, the book helps you determine your style of attachment, and the style of your partner as well. After helping to determine attachment styles, the book takes a closer look at how these three different attachment styles present themselves in everyday life, and when they are most likely to clash. Not surprisingly, the most clash-likely relationship is between a person with an avoidant style of attachment and one with an anxious style. (Can we say distancer and pursuer?) The authors provide both insight and hope for helping avoiding the needless suffering often accompanying this attachment style mis-match: “People have very different capacities for intimacy. And when one person’s need for closeness is met with another person’s need for independence and distance, a lot of unhappiness ensues. By being cognizant of this fact, both of you can navigate your way better in the dating world to find someone with intimacy needs similar to your own (if you are unattached) or reach an entirely new understanding about your differing needs in an existing relationship—a first and necessary step toward steering it in a more secure direction.” (p. 270) The book provides tools and communication strategies that use attachment principles to help you avoid the traps of mismatched relationships (and/or help you free yourself and survive one you may have fallen into), and shows you how to focus your energies on building secure relationships. Even if you’re not the secure type (only about 50% of people are), it still is possible to be in a secure relationship—it just takes a good mix of self-awareness and ongoing work. Think of this book as the guidebook for doing that work. The cherry on top of this deliciously satisfying book comes in the form of the authors’ simple, but profound, summary of the key essentials for finding and keeping (secure) love: ***Your attachment needs are legitimate. ***You shouldn’t feel bad for depending on the person you are closet to—it is part of your genetic makeup. ***A relationship, from an attachment perspective, should make you feel more self-confident and give you peace of mind. If it doesn’t, this is a wake up call! ***And, above all, remain true to your authentic self—playing games will only distance you from your ultimate goal of finding happiness, be it with your current partner or with someone else. (p. 272) _Attached_ should seriously be required reading for anyone who has been, is, wants to be, or will be in a relationship. Yep, it is that good. And, so can be your relationships if you take this book to heart!