Love the author so bought this book. Really like it.

Got to this book late and am I glad for it. When it came out I was newly remarried and didn't need and wouldn't have heard the message. But seven years into a mid-life marriage I needed tips on answering Esther Perel's Big Question (from her excellent TED Talk): Can you want what you already have? Her answer seemed to be as I read: Sure you can. But it's work. And you better understand what's going on first. Add to this my whole arousal system of mind, body, soul and sex. I'm older, in my mid 60s. Love what she said when asked how many times she'd been married: "Four. To the same man." This woman and mom and wife and therapist and speaker of 6 languages not only reinvented herself to stay hot for her man and for herself but to stay interesting for her two teen children also, who have been living with mom and dad as a foursome. Yes, sex as a family value. From Belgium and Israel, her husband and two kids live or lived together when she wrote this from their flat in NYC. It's one thing to write how to stay hot for each other while married; it's another to pull it off and then even be able to communicate the complex system that makes it possible inside and outside the home and marriage. I gave a copy of this book to a peer guy friend and one to my son. It's that good and helpful. They say when the student is ready the teacher will appear. So, don't read this book too soon. Or too late either. But buy three copies and get ready, I say. Just in case. This woman has not become a Rockstar among globe wide therapists for no reason. She knows her stuff.

First, I loved the authors fiesty accent. This book was very well written and gave me a new perspective on relationships. Over time, we become complacent in our relationships, and it gets boring. This author is very open-minded about the dynamics in relationships. It helped me to think of relationships in a new way. I have been in my current relations for 9 years, and recently went through a lot of turmoil when my partners shared their dissatisfaction with the same boring thing day after day. It is definitely more challenging to turn things around when you are the only one interested in doing so. I did find a few really great resources on Amazon that have helped. I am not saying I am out of the woods yet, but have definitely made some good progress. Life is a never ending lesson. You only stop learning when you are dead.

I have read a lot of books on this subject, and this book has a lot to offer. In many ways the concepts are new and fresh, thinking about ourselves differently, accepting our tendencies and who we are, understanding why we do what we do... This book tries to change the way you think, and thereby save a lot of effort we normally spend trying to change partners. But I have to remove 1 big star for the writing style. This material is not necessarily the easiest to digest, and on almost every page there is a word I have to look up. And even when I know what she said, I would ask, "Why would she say it that way? Why would she take something important and say it in the most difficult to understand way?" Let me take a single random passage: "The social critic Camille Paglia sees this rise in domination and submission as a collective fantasy that tweaks the rough spots of our egalitarian culture. It seems to me that rituals of domination and submission are a subversive way to put one over on a society that glorifies control, belittles dependency, and demands equality." Do I know what she meant? Well, yeah...mostly. But there are many better ways to deliver the material and make it more accessible, rather than losing me in the weeds of the writing itself. Excellent book, excellent material, unnecessarily complicated writing style.

I'm all about self reflection. So when I have issues in life or with others, I often wonder what it is I'm doing or could be doing. A podcast I listen to recommended this book and I'm glad I gave it a try. There are so many great stories and lessons that opened my eyes. I intend to re-read every year and see if I learn anything new from it.

Great book for everyone of us! It's an exercise of truth, imagination and action. I'm going back and forth with some chapters every year, just a reminder of what I keep on forgetting.