I read the long and detailed developmental book which let me know my kids are all "normal" as far as "normal" can be. The problem was that sometimes they got in trouble-- like a lot-- at school or daycare. I needed something to help me get across to them the morale code I wanted them to learn. I was really worried at times. So this book did help me with strategies to talk to the children so they would listen. It was a little repetitive, but if you get over the fact that the core strategies repeat, there is a HUGE amount of examples that let you see each of those strategies from different parental viewpoints, different ages of the kids, different amount of kids in the family, boys & girls, and different combinations of all that and in between. It gives a multitude of examples of these strategies for different real life issues as well: going to the grocery store, potty training, sibling rivalry, kids "on the spectrum" (autism, adhd, etc...), from toddlers all the way to pre-teens. I can catch myself taking a big breath when I catch myself getting upset/mad, and using that looonnnggg deep breath to come up with a quick strategy, starting from the first step, all the way to problem solving. Taking a sip of coffee or water would in theory work too. No one expects you to talk while you are taking a big breath or drinking. I'm still no expert, but I'm practicing the skills and we have seen a huge improvement in the kids. It's a marathon, not a sprint, but you can see immediate improvements by starting to utilize these tricks/strategies. Good luck. I highly recommend the book, albeit its a long one. It is designed so that once you get past the core ideas, you can skip around according to the index chapters. -Husband and father of 3.

Ok, so I’ve been wanting to write a review for this book since I received it – when it first came out – but I can’t find it in my house. I think that my child took it and is reading it so that he can learn all our tricks. Haha. My child doesn’t actually read yet but I am lucky I did before it went missing because it has done no less than change my relationship with him. How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is full of great, doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that you know exactly what the authors are trying to explain. The real-life examples could easily have come from my family. For example, the child who wants something that fell into a crack in his car seat and it is inaccessible to him and to me, the driver. Joanna and Julie give great advice on how to respond to difficult situations with little kids that could easily cause a major meltdown. For example, when the thing falls into the crack in the car seat and I can’t reach it, in the past my child would start yelling and screaming and then move into a full-on tantrum. I always felt that I had two choices: 1: I could pull over and stop, get out of the car, open the door where his car seat is, and retrieve the thing. That would stop the tantrum before it starts, but it would teach him that he is welcome to have his way whenever he threatens me with a tantrum. Or, 2: I could not get the thing, tell him to live with it for the 10 minutes (or whatever) until we get to where we are going. That response would surely invite crying escalating, into a full-on, inconsolable tantrum as the ride went on. I would have to listen to the screaming for the whole ride and then deal with it when we got to where we are going. Julie and Joanna suggest a great third response: agree with my child that the thing is really important. Tell him that I wish I could reach the car seat to retrieve it. Then really get dramatic with it: talk about having a button on the dashboard that I could just push and a hundred of those things would magically appear! And then ask what we could do with a hundred of those things, until my child is so caught up in the fantasy that he has forgotten how much he wants the thing and we get to where we are going safe, sound, and happy. I’ve actually had to do this a number of times since reading the book. My child’s response still amazes me every time! It sounds like magic, but it’s not. It is a way of listening to your child and validating his/her experience. How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen gives lots of ideas, stories and examples of how to do this in any number of difficult situations. I do want to be clear, this isn’t magic, and sometimes even the best skills don’t produce sunny results. But more often than not, as a result of the skills I was able to pick up from this book, I can at least head off tantrums and other bad behavior before it starts, even if my child isn’t all smiles.

So my first impression of this book was negative. But upon further reflection I do see the value in this, especially with younger children or delayed children who have trouble navigating conflict. I like how this book helps us to teach and model problem solving in lieu of the knee jerk reaction of remedial punishment. It is a discipline that will grow parents and educate children. Remedial punishment should be a last resort, and hopefully one that can be avoided. Problem solving is a valuable life skill, and I know that when I see other parents use 'clever' ways to help their child work their way through conflict, I look on with admiration. There is no resentment, there is listening, there is communication, and then there are the tools put in place on how to handle the difficulty in the future. All good things!

I've only read chapter 1 so far but I like the vibe of the authors, and I'm hopeful it will help! I appreciate the approach to child rearing.

This book has changed my relationship with my children and my partner. I learned to lead with empathy, disrupt tantrums before they happened, and relax into my role as a parent. My relationship with my kids is suddenly playful and loving where before it was tense and frustrating. My partner is on board too (though he didn't read the book himself) and it's so much fun to watch him connect so seemingly effortlessly with our kids, and them adoring him. And the best part -- the kids have learned some phrases and tactics from us, and are being nicer to each other!

When I first received this book, I did a quick flip to a random page. I saw a short comic about “Tools for Resolving Conflict”. I enjoy reading but when the books are broken up by little quotes, different fonts or even comics, it makes my reading so much more enjoyable. I started reading it shortly after I received it. Like I said in my title, I’m on page 10 and I’m hooked! The way the author has worded things and given examples on what parents might say or kids might say really helps me absorb the information! I would highly recommend this book. Especially for parents with a strong willed child (like my 5 year old daughter). It’s worth the buy!!