I'm going to caveat my review by saying: I am not the intended audience for this book. I am not divorced. I found this book and read this book to support a friend who IS divorced and IS dealing with a horror-show of an ex. That being said, this book not only saved my friend, but it really has common-sense parenting advice FOR EVERYONE. Particularly the parts about creating a vision for your family and manifesting it; a great reminder that holidays can be anytime and don't need to be dictated by a calendar; and, most importantly, the idea of respecting yourself and the other parent by recognizing there are many ways to parent, that kids are resilient, and that different parents showing kids different ways to be is ultimately advantageous to the kids. Who doesn't need that reminder? For my friend, this book was a lifesaver. It is allowing her to disconnect from her abusive ex, and start creating a beautiful life and household based on her vision. The power of her abuser is being negated as he can no longer manipulate her through the children, and he is quickly moving on to abuse someone else. Even after just a few months it's become increasingly apparent to everyone - including his own family - who the real problem is as he can no longer goad her into reacting and blame her for his behavior and choices. I read the book to support her - so she has someone to bounce reactions or ideas off of while she is transitioning into this model - and I'm glad I read it as I personally got so much out of it just as general outlook on crafting a vision for my family instead of reactively parenting.

I don't usually leave reviews. If you are someone dealing with a high conflict X, this is the best book I've came across. I wish I found it years ago.

Don't think about it just get it!!!! You won't regret it!

The author has a serious chip on thier shoulder. But the techniques given are good. the take away is to include this parenting solution in your parenting plan. it would be nice if there was a summary chapter that gave bullet point list of things to add to parenting plan and things to watch out for in a succinct form.

This is a must read if you have a high conflict ex. The book is incredibly well written and has a lot of easy to apply valuable information. Very easy read!

I never write reviews but I had to write one for this book. It is so informative and actually helpful for my situation. I have highlighted and marked parts so I can go back and reference. I have read several books about parenting when in a very difficult situation and this one spells everything out so perfectly. If you are unsure about how to parent in a messed up situation, this book is so extremely helpful. It is a fast read because it is so genuinely helpful.

This book was incredibly helpful in terms of reframing my thought process and expectations of my daughter's father. The fact that you cannot compel someone to care about their children or parent with any sort of consistent values or moral compass is infuriating until you realize there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. All you can really do is ensure your child has one functioning parent. There are major issues in our situation - issues that are sad, issues that are mind boggling, issues that incite tons of stress day in and day out.... but having read this book I can at least rest assured that those dysfunctions are not as present in the daily life of my child and I.

This book has been a GAME CHANGER for us in our high conflict "co-parent" situation. This is a MUST READ for anyone dealing with an ex or estranged child who is high conflict (whether diagnosed as BPD, antisocial, narcissistic....etc. or not). Scratch that.....EVERY blended family needs to read this book. I follow the author on instagram (unapologeticparenting), and have been really encouraged by his posts and podcasts, so when he published this book, I snapped it up. It's a short (160 page) resource on building a peaceful and independent home after a divorce--without the enmeshment that's commonly touted as "good co-parenting" today. It has so many practical strategies for dealing with crazy exes and confused and hurting kids, and the solutions presented here are incredibly liberating! The author is an attorney and was himself divorced from a narcissist....so he knows the pain and struggles intimately. NEVER have my husband and I felt so understood in our challenging walk with his ex and the kids as we have with this book! A couple of the strategies we've implemented that have brought immediate peace and stability to our home: "No bonding over anything that happens at the other home"--which translates to "no talking about anything that happens at the other home--whether positive or negative." I know this likely sounds counterintuitive to some folks, but allowing the kids to talk about things (good OR bad) that happen at the other home allows them to vent, compare, and play bio-parents against eachother in order to get attention. If the kids are legitimately being harmed, or being abused to the point where social services need to be called for intervention, then they know they can talk to us....but everything else is off limits. The change this rule brought to our home was immediate. We realized how 99% of what our youngest talked about was "mom's house," and when we redirected the conversation with a "we're not going to talk about that....we're going to focus on right here and right now," he didn't have anything to talk about. His relationship and bonding with us is pretty much ONLY through comparisons with his mom's house. On the otherhand, our oldest child immediately caught on to what we were doing when we redirected the conversation, and was 100% on board. Oldest kid had NO issues not talking about "mom's house" at all, and completely relaxed when given the freedom to forget about her home. It's a continuous struggle with the youngest, but he's slowly learning that what happens at mom's house stays at mom's house. The kids are constantly being put in the middle as conduits for information by their mother, so our saying "you can't talk about her or her home when you're here" has cut off her attempts to feed us information and control our home. It also robs her of knowing how we react to her crap since there's nothing for us to react to--since we're not hearing about her crap. Since implementing this rule, we've had an immediate peace and calm....and overall the kids have relaxed so much. It's allowed them to pursue areas of interest that WE can talk about and bond over without any sort of concern over what anyone else does or thinks. I was shocked at how instant the change was. Keeping our expectation of the other home to the bare minimum for survival. Meaning....as long as the kids have clothes, shelter, food at the other home......we have to let everything else go. The clothes may be ragged and ill-fitting....but they're clothes. The food may be everything that's bad for them.....but it's food. If we're constantly worried about the quality of our kid's life at the other home, it robs us of the energy to put in our own home and family....and it zaps us emotionally. This one has been hard for my husband and I as we both have a strong sense of justice and fighting for how things SHOULD be. His ex constantly feeds them crap and dresses them in clothes way too large or small for them....and she moves every 5 months. It royally stinks for the kids, and they deserve so much better than that. But that's how she chooses to live her life. We're not bound to that, and as long as it's not physically endangering the kids, we have to let it go. This mindset has removed so much stress and anger over how crappy life is for the kids at her house. Stay in your lane and trust that the kids will be resilient. We are responsible for our home/life; she is responsible for her home/life. This one is kind of foundational for many of the other principles in the book--but it's super helpful to remember. We will NOT take on ANY responsibility for her decisions--no matter how much she tries to make it our responsibility (and to a narcissist everything is ALWAYS somebody else's responsibility--never theirs). It's not our job to point our her inconsistencies and bad decisions to the kids. She will dig her own grave through her own terrible life choices, and the kids will witness the ramifications of her decisions. The kids will also witness the ramifications and fruit of OUR life choices....and they will be able to compare and see which path is the most beneficial to take in life. To put it bluntly and crassly (my apologies in advance--those who know me know I never talk like this): "she will screw herself....we don't have to." I think the hardest thing for me with this principle is trusting that the kids will see and be resilient. I want so badly to set the record straight and keep them from harm, but I have to remember that I cannot make their life decisions for them, and I am not responsible for how their mother destroys her life. The kids WILL see it......and if they choose to ignore and suppress the truth, then that falls on them. Bottom line, this book is a must read for any divorced parent and for every blended family. You will NOT regret the $12 you spend on Amazon for this gem.